FemDom Blog · First published August 2018 · Revised August 2026
Fetish Play or BDSM?
Get what you want
What is the difference between a Fetish and a Kink? What about BDSM? The educated connoisseur knows the difference. This post discusses the differences, and more importantly provides tools to help readers ensure their needs are met in a session with NYC Dominatrix Viktoria Sway.
A fetish is generally considered a need that MUST be met for the participant to feel satisfied. Kinky activities diverge from standard bedroom fare, but are not necessarily required for fulfillment. BDSM combines fetishes and kinks to create a power exchange dynamic between participants.
Fetish Play
Fetish play is one or two activities that are arousing to at least one in the party, and is critical to that individual's enjoyment. In general, people with fetishes engage with their partners as an equal, with typical sensual activities and conversation.
BDSM
BDSM scenes usually fall into one of the four categories below, or a combination of any of them.
Care
Qualities: acceptance, bonding, self-esteem building, nurturing.
Activities: role play, sensual massage and touch, sensual D/s, light service, light worship.
Arousal
Qualities: sexually charged.
Activities: body worship, tease and denial, JOI, forced orgasm, prostate and strap-on play, chastity.
Altered State
Qualities: subspace, endorphins, natural high, healing trauma; feeling small, dirty, degraded, objectified, embarrassed, cherished.
Activities: bondage, sensory deprivation, fear play, predicament play, mind fuck, sissification, sensory play, long-term distance relationship, humiliation, chastity.
Submission
Qualities: loss of control; feeling useful, cherished, dominated.
Activities: protocol training, slave training, domestic service, domestic scenes, consensual non-consent.
Designing the scene
To design an impactful and memorable scene with a new partner, a Dominatrix must know at least 1 to 2 qualities that a submissive would like to FEEL emotionally during a session, and also 2 to 3 activities that a submissive enjoys.
Everyone must be an advocate for themselves and their own needs, and above all be respectful and clear in communication. Acquaint your partner with the quality factors craved and also the impactful activities. It is then the Dominant's job to decide if they wish to engage in such a scene, and use their skills and creativity to orchestrate a masterpiece for you both to enjoy.